Once and all over again

Well now the weeks go by, the weathers change
A mind that's full and I'm dressing strange
Soon to turn bald, and scratching my head
For a soul that breaths, with a heart that is dead
To find that time apon time it happened again
Same hand to blame that's clutching this pen
Still to single myself into someones significance
To a lovely lady's mental stay
To not be known as her friend for the day

Time apon time, wish I wouldn't grip at my hair
Live a normal life where nothings the same
Diseased beast, my mentally divergent friend
Alive, but like a pebble, dead to me
To love her more than myself, I swear
Plunge a sword into my prepared, open grave
Grovel and drivel and fulfill, a hollow plot
But unbend me and grant me, if only to share some coffee

If you ask me how, I'll say I'm fine
Suited myself in a haircut and more fitting attire
Doesn't matter though, for I'm such a bad liar
What matters, when nothing in this world does
For she cannot love me, never will, she never did
Not empty, but lonely, smoke Marlboro's to fill me in
But my ashes spent, thrown into the wind

But I'm not a lonely boy, not lost without her
In a world that just cannot be found
An explorer looking for myself
Parting ways from vanities and wealths
A discoverer lost on the mental brink of himself
Parted ways of all my sanctities
But the world and I cannot deny
We are not our own creators
Rebirth me even a thousand times, maybe I'll find my peace
Lay me down once and again
Bury me with lost love and misery
In the end, when she and the sunset become one
All is not done, for she was not the one

But I still feel lost, badly and deeply
But deeper and darker, I stay sane
My only form of peace and release
Resounded to her mortal, selfish decay
Her own living, eating God
To a smiting I would condone to last on the list
To not want a life this empty?
Couldn't stand her ignoring me
So, so, so selfish to deny picking up a call
An I'm sorry, falls on her ignorant ears
To comprehend, how someone could fuck up your life
If I swear to treasure and lift her to an emperors wife
To need her, the presence feeds me to euphoria
But now I'm caged in a hole, my dystopia

Beginning of the end (Why there is an end)

I was walking freely in the garden
Then by what vile presence, was I prohibited
Barred me from ever entering again?
Even giving up my eternal, yielded no pardon
With the spear in my cross anchored
Knowledge giving me only death and pain

How come then would a Creator
From the eternal screams of a thousands lambs
Give us life born from His splendour
To rock and condecend the Reaper's plans
Or to give birth to a fallen angels failure?